2 Weeks

    That's how long it's been since I left my Seattle home. I left an amazing group of people, and city that changed my heart just 14 short days ago. It absolutely blows my mind. This summer is coming to a close soon, but I would go all the way back to June 15th when I was boarding my plane into what blew every expectation I had out of the water all over again, and again. I think of all the correction officers, homeless, children, and inmates that we worked with on the daily. I'm constantly running memories through my head. I just never ever want to forget what I learned in those 4 short weeks.

   One of the biggest affects that Seattle had on me was bringing my focus back on Jesus. I had been doing my Christian thing so long that it just started wearing off, and I knew it. Before I went to Seattle I was honestly just going for the Corrections internship, and the prison ministry. I basically told myself to get through the rest of the other ministry work, and put on my Christian good girl act so my team wouldn't know about the horrible person I was. Well, little did I know God was going to work on my heart the entire trip. The 3rd week of the trip is when God finally broke me down, and said, "You NEED me, stop living life half-way for me. I CREATED you, and want to GIVE you a life you can never give to yourself." And you know what else he said??? He said, "I love you. I'm going to love you forever, no matter how far you stray from me, no matter how many stupid choices you make. No matter how big of a mess you are, I WANT that mess. I'm going to love you. I'm going to give you something out of this world, just let this world go." I had slowly been losing my core faith in the past year, whether I knew it or not. I started questioning everything I stood for. I started searching for rational reasons that I should believe in a God. I wanted to believe in God, but my heart was not there. God brought me back to Him.

   I've started reading a book called, Why Should Anyone Believe Anything At All by James Sire to get more insight, and try to figure out how to make my belief my own, and not just what I've been told my whole life. I've been trying to read God's Word everyday, and praying often. It's definitely a struggle to read everyday, but I know that just a few minutes in His word can change my entire mind set for the day, and it truly keeps me closer to Him. I know when I was far from Him, reading His Word was something I definitely avoided if I could so that could be a huge factor in why I couldn't find myself in Him again. I can't say I haven't stumbled at all. Not. Even. Close, but my thinking is completely new. I'm working to fully understand what Jesus did, and His love for me, and it's giving me a whole new outlook on what my sins do. Jesus literally took everything that made me dirty, and made it his own. How can I not give my life to a God that loves me like that, and created the whole entire universe?! 

     I've also been looking at what it means to be "in the world, but not of it". It's SO hard in this world to not give in to the everyday "pleasures" that people overlook in their daily lives. It's SO hard to be a human being, born into a world of temptations and evil, and try to live for a perfect God. I know in my heart that the fun things of this world won't last. Every piece of happiness, and pleasure I get from anything of this world is temporary. I want something that is eternal. I want something bigger. I want something more. There are many things that my flesh wants me to do so that I can be like everyone else. Everyone parties all the time, does drugs, gossips, and lusts after things. These things are what tempt my heart, but I don't want them anymore. My God is worth more to me than them. And it is God that I want. This world is nothing. I'm here to live the life on this earth that God wants from me, until He calls me to my eternal home. I know that only He can give me true, and pure happiness. 

     It's definitely hard being around people everyday who don't have this mind set. The "come on Jamie, it's not a big deal, it'll be fun.", is definitely something I've been hearing, and will be hearing a lot. People will look at me different, they will think I'm weird, and have changed for the worse. But I will remain strong, knowing my God is bigger. I also have an amazing community of people from Seattle that want to keep me accountable, and back me up 100%, and I love them for that. I feel like a brand new baby Christian. I've also found that I LOVE talking about Seattle. I love coming home, and having people ask me about it because it makes me sooooo excited to share with them the amazing things I experienced. This new journey I'm embarking on will not be easy, but I have a God who's out of this world, and is going to lead me through it.

An Inside Look: WCCW

7/8/13

       Today was our first day at the Washington Correctional Center for Women (WCCW). It felt like we were in the middle of no where. The campus was surrounded by tall fences, and barbed wire all around the top. We had to each sign in at the from desk, walk through a metal detector, get wanded down, and get an invisible stamp put on so when we leave they put it under a black light to make sure we aren't an inmate who is escaping. We also had to wear our DOC badges. The chaplain for the prison, who most call "chappy", but I call him Larry, is quite the character, and I really enjoy talking to him, and him sharing his experiences while working here. This prison has numerous unit in it: high security (CCU-Close Circuit Unit), medium security, minimal security (where mothers are also housed), mental health, and receiving. There are also different levels within each "pod". The pod is just the area where all the inmates hang out, which contains their dayroom, and all their rooms. There are level 1, and 2 in the CCU, and 3, and 4 in medium security. The higher the number you are the more privileges, and freedom you have. It all just depends on your behavior. Inmates wear gray sweatpants, and gray t-shirts. They also wear a badge with their picture, and DOC identification number. I wanted to start in the CCU because that's where those who have behavioral issues usually ended up. I walked in, and was kinda nervous, but I made eye contact with several people at one table, and decided that I mind as well go for it. There were several ladies there: Dana, Tabitha, Chrissie, Heather, Sheral, and Kayla. They didn't really seem scary or intimidating like I expected. They were pretty open to talk about anything. Eventually I did ask them if they were Christian, and all of them were except for two. One of them follows her Native American religion, and the other, Kayla, is just opened to learning about all different types of religions. She seemed really interested in my Bible, and what I had to say, but she was also working at the time so she couldn't really sit down and talk much. She did sign up to come watch the movie with us on Thursday (which I explain later). So I'm glad I'll still have a change to see her.
    The girls at my table were all just really normal people. None of them have life sentences, so they're just serving out their charges (which was mostly some type of burglary). Their days in the prison is basically watching, tv, working, taking classes, exercise classes, listening to music, and just hanging out with the other inmates. We did talk about God a little bit. I just asked them how their faith got them through each day, being they are in the situation that they're in. They all gave pretty practical answers. Since they were already Christians, it was hard for me to keep the convo on God going because they already know the basics. I basically just talked to them about whatever they wanted. We talked about their lives outside of prison, family, children, job aspirations, education aspirations, if they work, what they do during the day, and what classes they're taking at the prison. A lot of them also wanted to know about me which is really cool. They really like having us to talk to, someone who genuinely just wants to talk, and not just another inmate. Some dont even get visitors.. One thing we did talk about was how their faith gets them through being here. A lot of them understand the mistake they made, deal with it and serve their time. I gave at my table the Do You Want to know God Personally booklet and the Spirit-Filled Life booklet (tools that Cru uses). I just figured it would be good references for them to have because I know that those little booklets helped me a lot too.
      We were suppose to get done talking with them at 11:20, which is the movement time (movement time is at :20 for inmates to go to jobs, programs, work out, clean etc.), but we didn't leave until around 11:40 because we weren't sure if we were suppose to leave without an officer with us. Nothing wrong with more time spent with the inmates though. We ate our sack lunches on the bus, then went back out to the pods at 1. We also got to see the shift change of officers. At that time inmates must be locked in their rooms so the current officer can explain to the officer coming in for their shift what has been going on, and what needs to be done etc. When that was over the inmates came out, but a lot of the level 1's were at the gym. Those were the ones I talked to before so I had to go find other people. I would've liked to establish more of a relationship, but I can't do much to change the prison schedule. Bender, Maddie, and myself talked to a women named, Audrena. She use to be an alcoholic, has been in prison 3 times, and is just working to turn her life around. Throughout the week we are suppose to be telling inmates about the movie we're showing on Thursday. It's called, Magdelina. I've never seen it before, but it is like The Jesus Film (the entire story of Jesus' life), but from a women's perspective. In the afternoon on Thursday we're also having small groups to just discuss the movie. In order for inmates to go they must write up the request on a Kite sheet, which is basically just a program the inmates use to request to do certain things.
    It's so difficult to put into words what I learned with just one day in the prison. I know for a fact that the inmates are more inspiring to me than I am to them. You can't say you know what a prisons like until you actually go in and talk to inmates. This prison wasn't all grungy and dirty like you see on tv, it is actually one of the best facilities in the US. While talking to the inmates they mentioned how much drug use goes on inside prison walls, which blows my mind since to get into the prison who have to go through so many searches and meet qualifications. One of the main things I learned is that they are people too. If you treat them with respect, they will treat you with respect. We have no right to talk down to them, or think we're better than them. During my time at the DOC, one of my officers told me that we're all just one mistake away from being in their shoes. Which is shockingly true. Some of the stories of these women is so crazy because it could easily happen to me too.  
It's so amazing that I get this experience working with offenders, being I'm a social work major, not many people can say they've interacted with this population unless they've already worked there. I also found something very interesting, one of the other girls on my team had an inmate tell her that a lot of women are "gay for the stay." So even though these women might have husbands on the outside, they are basically temporarily homosexual because they long for companionship. When you really think about it, I can see where that could easily happen especially when you're in there for several years. We are human, and humans are naturally sexual beings, and we aren't meant to be alone. So seeing why women would turn to other women for that outlet is pretty easy to see. Drama in prison is a lot like drama in high school, a lot of "he said, she said", who's stealing whos girlfriend, who's talking begins whos back, who got more of something than someone else. Just a lot of jealousy, which all girls are really good at. We talked to a CCO about safety here for the prisoners, and the staff as well and she said that at womens prisons there are fights and stuff but it's at mens prisons when it becomes more dangerous because men are capable of banning together and rioting, but honestly women don't usually get along enough when they're mad to be able to work together to form a plan. Which I can definitely see why that is.        
     Another CCO officer was telling us some personal thoughts on his job and he was just negative and seemed burnt out. I hope I never lose my drive in seeing hope in people. I always want to believe people can change and that I am making a difference. It sounds cheezy and childish but I never want to lose my " I want to change the world" voice. It is what keeps my passion alive and on fire. That is why Im going into this field.It almost worries me that it doesn't bother me that I'm talking to someone that may have raped someone, molested their child, or killed someone. They're just people to me. It is good though that I can talk to them without being consumed with the thought that they're "monsters" because they're not. Not that I approve of the choices that they have made, but it is just our human condition. It's such a cool thing that so many people find Christ in prison because they get to such a low point that they see trying the whole God thing as the only option to turn their lives around.
    I definitely wanna check out medium security tomorrow because that's where a lot of lifers (those with life sentences) are because there's no point in acting out and getting into the high security unit if you're going to be there for life, so they try to get as much freedom as they can.
P.s. We get to ride the ferry home every night from the prisons, and it was my first time and I loveddddd it!! :D

DNA Group that night:

  Best DNA group meeting ever!!!! Tonight each of us confessed out loud, all 9 of us, the sins that we needed to confess to God. It sounds crazy and weird, but it was the best thing ever. We were all nervous, but it was the most free I've ever felt. I said things to these girls that I have never said out loud to myself. I trust these girls with everything I have. There's a verse that talks about confessing to one another, and that's exactly what we did. It made me realize the community I have here, and the accountability I can have once we leave here too. There's also a verse that says that there is no sin uncommon to man. It's amazing how 9 girls from all over the country can come together and be having the exact same issue, even though you yourself thinks its a bizzare sin to have. You could go into a room with a complete stranger, and I can bet you my life that you and that person will have a sin in common, even when you think you're alone.This trip has honestly changed my life. I may be starting over with my faith but coming on this project was the best choice I've ever made. Learning to love myself, and my God again has been and will continue to be an incredible journey. I'm at the beginning of letting go of the Christian I was in high school, and discovering the Christian I want to be now. Even though the people here on project seem so spirit-filled and like they have it all together, we are human, with the same struggles. Christians aren't perfect, we are such broken people. I find so much comfort in knowing that.

7/9/13

       This morning was absolutely amazing!! I went to the medium security unit in hoping to find a lifer, but the first lady we talked to ended up being the lady we spent the whole morning with. Her name was, Rondala M. She seemed super out going and Celeste and myself sat down with her right away. She basically just asked what we were doing here. We explained what Cru was, that it's a ministry, and what we've been doing the past month. She then said, "well I have a few questions.." She ended up digging deep into her story and what has brought her here. She's a Christian, but has two felony charges on record, she doesn't get out for 6 more years, but she knows that once she's out she can't come back to prison, if she gets one more felony charge she's in for life (the 3 strike rule). She's ready for an ultimate change in her life. She struggles with anger, self harm, depression, drugs, and alcohol. She spent a lot of her 20s doing drugs, drinking alcohol, and being in the streets around the gang life. She does have a family and 7 kids. She wants to be a real mother to her kids, and completely rely on God. She doesn't want to be where she use to be. She got pretty emotional at one point because she doesn't want prison to be what her life ends up as. She wants to actually have a life. I felt like I was just rambling sentences off to her. Like I honestly don't remember what I was saying, but I know it was very biblical and I guess sounded good. It was definitely the Spirit in me. And I'm not one to say that often, but I really think God was giving me the words to say. I must still be on my high from DNA group from last night. The whole morning was simply amazing. She went to her room to get her bible, and we started looking at our bibles, her favorite verse is Psalm 119. Her mother's death anniversary is coming up, along with her mothers birthday and she's really worried that she isn't going to be strong enough to not break and hurt herself. I'm really hoping that in the afternoon I can show her some verses to keep her strong when she feels weak. I really hope she is able to stay strong in her plan. I fell in love with this woman. I felt like I was playing the counselor role and I absolutely loved it. We invited her to the Magdalena movie on Thursday so Im hoping that can build up this strength she has going for her. We also went through some of the Spirit filled life booklet and knowing God personally. I really think those will be good references for her as well

          After lunch my plan was to go back to the pod where Rondala was so I could get here signed up for the movie. When we got there she yelled at us right away and had just gotten out of the shower too. She had her hair all braided too so it was hard for me to recognize her for a second. At 1:50, the inmates had to go to their rooms for the CCO officers to switch shifts. They had to be in their rooms till 2:20, so we had to wait in the pod, so Celeste and I just sat and talked to Ron, one our staff members on team from Cru. Rondala couldn't stay and talk because she had an appointment to get to. Once the ladies were allowed back in the day room area, then we kinda scooped the place to see which people we felt called to talk to. My eyes kept going to a table with a few intimidating looking women. I was a little nervous, but Celeste and I walked up anyway. We introduced ourselves and one of them really looked like she wasn't having it and wanted us to leave. We explained to them what Cru was, and what we're doing here, which got them more interested. We did invite them to the movie but they all had work, or a class they had to be at, which was a bummer but we kept talking to them. 

       We shared a little bit about where we're from, our schools and families. They asked us what it is like just walking into the prison and having to talk to them and they were surprised that we liked doing it so much. Eventually the convo directed us to the homeless, and I shared with them the poverty simulation we did a couple weeks ago. They were really surprised and respected us for doing that. Funny thing is that the girl, Shay, who did not want to even look at us right away was doing all the talking. She definitely put her front down and ended up being a very nice person. A couple of them said how my much they appreciate what we are doing and coming to talk to them like humans. It was awesome to hear that they actually like talking to us. I actually told them that "I appreciate that you appreciate us" haha Im a loser like that though. 

      On the walk back to the chapel, Celeste and I were talking about how it's great to be able to talk to them about God, but for them to have normal human interaction with a person that isn't an inmate can do sooo much for them. It feels good to be able to be a support and outlet for them. I'm really starting to think about being a social worker in a prison cause I love working with this population. As crazy as it sounds, there is soo much hope inside prisons walls, but nobody knows it because they don't take the time to understand and see what actually goes on there. I understand that not everyone has a success story, but that is why these people NEED us. Some people have told me prison is the best thing that could've happened to them. It forces them to change. The insight and perspectives Im getting are phenomenal. I'm so happy I made the choice to go on this project this summer. Today was also the last day to tell people about the movie on Thursday because it takes 2 days to process the inmates kite forms. I really hope we've gathered a good crowd and I believe this movie will have a great affect on the women

Back at the dorms:

      Tonight we had a speaker named, Celestine. Him, his two young children, his wife, and one of their interns was there. He actually is a rapper, but started an non-profit organization four years  ago called, Cry Out. It's this really cool after-school program for kids, and teenagers to come do work shop programs, and express themselves through music, and dance. There is actually a recording studio there. They also help the kids out with homework too, and help the kids discover the kind of life they can have through Jesus. It's a great way to get the kids off the streets, and on the path to do amazing things for themselves. He performed a few songs which was pretty cool, and one of his daughters was super adorable dancing around to the music. He talked about what we think "our calling" is in life. In life we can go from one area, to another. It doesn't mean we are not following our calling or God's plan for us. It means our journey/calling is evolving into what it is ultimately meant to be. That made me really excited since I have so many areas of social work, and criminal justice that I'm interested in. I can see myself casually changing where I'm working from time to time just to see where I fit perfectly. He also shared a bit of his testimony. What I got out of it (and what I've been realizing lately during the project) is to not let your struggles with sin keep you in a pit of guilt, and unproductivity. God can use your sins that you struggle with, and bad situations for Him. He already knows what you're going through, and what bad choices you're going to make so we need to persevere through our trials in life. He talked a lot about the verse in James 1:2-4 that says: ^"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.". It was a great reminder of that verse because I haven't thought about it in a long time, but it use to be one of my favorites. I can use every part of my everyday to fulfill God's plan. I shouldn't quit, and slump every time I fall out of God's way. Jesus already took the sacrifice for our sins, so in a way when I'm sitting there feeling guilty for my sins, and not continuing on with my life, it's almost saying that what Jesus did wasn't good enough to cover the cost of my sins. It makes me want to take all my struggles, and just say, "Okay, God. Use it for what you will, and I will trust that You know what you're doing." It takes so much pressure off of me because Jesus took care of the burden. I'm just sitting here, and living a life for Jesus because of what His love did for me, and the life He Promises me.

7/10/13

     I did a tour of the whole prison campus in the morning. It's seriously like it's own little world here. The inmates have absolutely everything they could possibly need. It wouldn't be a bad life if they weren't at a prison. We got to see the medical center. Which is huge, it had rooms like a regular doctors office, dental rooms, suicide watch rooms, trauma rooms, and even hospice. While at the medical building we ran into a really nice woman and she was just there for an appointment. Once we left the building the chaplain told us that she actually got here when she was 15, she's a lifer for 1st degree murder. She's in her 30's now so she has been here for awhile. My mind was blown. There is no way that 15 year old Jamie would survive being in a prison. Its just crazy that you can't see what a person may be capable of just by looking at them. The chaplain also explained that even though they aren't technically suppose to but they do treat lifers a lite differently. The staff do feel sympathetic toward them and since this is the only life they will ever know they want to be able to make it the best they can for them, regardless of their crime. We also saw where all the education classes happen, the place where all packages for clothes, and daily items the inmates can order, the gym (which was super legit), the cafeteria and receiving and releasing (which was pretty sweet). Receiving and releasing is where the most isolation occurs. It is actually where "the hole" is, or segregation. We saw the mental health building, which I really liked. There was actually a sex offender group counseling session going on. The more time I'm here, the more counseling appeals to me, but we'll see. The best part was THE DOG TRAINING CENTER!!! There was soo many cute doggies. We got to pet some of them. Some of the dogs belong to the prison, and others are actually dogs belonging to people from the outside. People can bring their dogs there for dog sitting, cleaning, and any type of training. It's also really cool that inmates are able to work there cause dogs seriously make the world a better place. They are really good therapy. The more time I spend in this place, the more I feel like I could work in an environment like this. Its scary and exciting at the same time. This afternoon I'm going to receiving, where offenders stay until they are done being assessed to figure out which unit they are being placed in. I haven't been there yet, so we'll see how it goes.

****** 

         So I went to receiving for the afternoon. The atmosphere was completely different then in the high and medium units. These people are just waiting. The atmosphere was anger, fear, sad, and broken. Right when I got in there I walked to a table of 4 women. All of them seemed eager to talk to me,but one was just facing the other way the whole time and eventually walked away, which was fine cause I said she didn't have to stay. The rest of the girls were Christian and wanted to talk about faith. I gave each of them the knowing God personally booklet and we started to go through it. Each of them had legit input and it sorta felt like I was running a support group with everyone giving their feelings on things. One woman stuck out to me though. She was from Tailand and barely spoke any English. She right away asked if I had a Thai Bible (in very broken English). Even though her English wasn't very good she started talking about her first time hearing about Jesus. She started crying when she started talking about Jesus going back to heaven. She said she didn't want him to leave because she didn't want to be lonely. It broke my heart. She has a 2nd degree murder charge and has a 15 year sentence, but she claims to be innocent. There's others details to her story too but I just feel so bad for her. She is being forced to live in a foreign country in a prison, all the while not understanding any of the English or documentation she has been signing. The other girls on my table were in on drug charges. Before I had to leave the Thai woman asked when I was coming back but I said I probably couldn't because we have specific plans in the chapel tomorrow. Those in receiving can't go to events like that. Some of those girls just got here 9 days ago. It can take from 4-8 weeks to get placed, and its the next place up from segregation so it really sucks. They aren't allowed to do much of anything. Most of these people are fresh off the street so they're going through a lot of physical and emotional adjusting. I really appreciated my girls' inputs and admire their efforts. They genuinely thanked me when they had to leave, and when they do that it makes me feel like I wasn't a waste of their time. Receiving was way different from what I expected, but Im not even sure what I expected. In the other units I can feel hope, but this unit just felt broken, which is a the more reason to go and spend time with them.

       At supper we have been starting to have people share testimonies so that we all hear where everyone has come from. Well tonight I gave my "new" testimony. I was vulnerable and really shared what's in my heart and what's been happening in my life since college. Response was so overwhelmingly loving and supportive. Im going through a lot of changes and letting go of the Christian I was in high school and creating myself in the Christian I am now. This project has literally changed my life and saved me from walking away from an abundant life that I thought I wasn't worthy enough for.

7/11/13

      Today was the last day in the prisons and the day we were showing the movie we've been telling the inmates about. I know I've said this a million times, but this has been the best week of my life. Not even exaggerating. There is no heart, or life change without Jesus and I've been seeing that so much this week. I was so excited this morning to watch the inmates watch the movie, which sounds kinda weird. So we were showing the movie in the chapel and waiting till the 9:20 moving time so the inmates could come and eventually they started filing in. Once we got the movie started I was a little disappointed because none of the people I invited were there yet, BUT at the 10:20 movement more people came in and at least 5 of the people I talked to came walking in which made me really happy. Rondala, the women I met Monday ended up not coming. I'm not sure why,I'm thinking she couldn't get work off and that's just how things go. I really, really hope she writes to my P.O. Box address we could give inmates. I would love to keep in touch with her.
       I liked watching the inmates facial expressions during the movie. Most of them were pretty into it and I even saw some tears from some inmates. When the movie finished the inmates clapped which was pretty cool. Then two of our students gave their testimonies and the inmates loved it. A lot of them could really relate to out stories. For lunch chappy (Larry) brought us all pizza which was an amazing change after the sack lunches we've been having all week. We even got to nap on the chairs if we wanted because the inmates wouldn't be back until the 1:20 movement. So once they came back 2 more of our students gave their testimonies, then we got into small groups to talk about the movie, or share more of our own stories. It was Kelly, Lexi, myself and 8 other inmates in one group. Our group was very awesome and very young. One girl was 21, and another was 22. That actually broke my heart a little bit. I mean, I could literally be in their position. Thinking that these women will be in there the next 10 years of their lives is hard but they've accepted their consequences and God has a huge plan for their journey while in prison. The 22 year old said she hadn't even heard about God until she started out in jail. The 21 year old came from a very religious family, she hasn't always been active in her faith but has always believed. She's only been here a month and just came from 3 years in jail, which isn't very common. 
      What really kills me is that these women are just like me. The only difference between them and I is that they got caught. For now on I'm going to stand up for those who say people on prison are monsters. People honestly have no idea what they're talking about. I've actually shed a few tears for these women because of their stories, and the love I've grown for them. Most of the girls I talked to were Christian which was awesome, but Im not under the illusion that all people in prison are Christian because that isn't realistic. I realize not all people in prison are nice, and want to talk to me, but these women have changed my life. I literally can see myself living in this area and working at this prison, and I really mean that. Or just working at a prison in general. Plus I really like the Washington State criminal justice system, what I've seen of it anyways. I really feel real worth and fulfillment with the work I've done with these women this week. Chappy gave us his info so that if we become interested in future internship type things we can talk to him.
        As my small group finished up because they all had to leave I told one of the ladies to keep the faith and she said, "Yes, you too, especially being on the outside". That hit me so hard, because it is so true. Them being here and having a community and resources for religion available to them 24/7 is a lot easier than me going back home to where I can stumble with me faith with every step because the earth is full of distraction and lies. They are in their tight community, even though they have trouble and drama, they have no part in the world outside of the prison walls until they are released. I'm going to have to really work hard to keep what I've learned here. 
        I could go on forever how amazing week and trip was but that would get kind of dull, but I can never thank God enough for allowing me to experience this in my life. Who knows what opportunities this will bring me. I'm very excited to continue my schooling to become a social worker and growing in my walk with my God that never leaves or changes. I have also never cried so much in one month, from crying of joy, and sadness, I've done it all, several times. From hearing people's testimonies, my own struggles, and spending time with the inmates--I've been told crying is a spiritual gift, so I'm all over that. Tomorrow we spend the day cleaning the entire dorms and packing, but tomorrow night we are having a super formal dinner at a pasta place called, The Spaghetti Factory, with the entire project. Then on Saturday its goodbye Seattle, hello Minnesota. I'm in denial that we're leaving soon. I love this place, these people, and this experience more than words could ever say.

My Last Sunday in Seattle

  Before I get into what is going down today, I just want to make a shout out to my awesome DNA leader, Kathleen. We had a really freeing conversation last night about the struggles we have with our faith. I said a lot of things to her that I hadn't even been able to completely admit to myself yet. It was such an incredible weight off of my shoulders, and I think it really puts me in a better direction with my relationship with God.

   I can't believe we are starting our last week here in Seattle. I can't even comprehend that I've almost been here for a month. I was strangers to these people 3 weeks ago, and such strong friendships have been established here. For church this morning we actually just had a service here. A few students on the project did worship for us, Jenn on the Piano and vocals, David on the viola, and Mark was there to do some vocals as well. Our Director, Tom, did the sermon. Before he went into his sermon, he opened the floor up to anyone who wanted to share their testimony. Tyler went up and gave his. I had already heard most of it during the homeless simulation, but there were some extra details that I didn't get before, and I have nothing but even more respect for him now. It is always amazing hearing where people have been before they decide to live for God. Tom's sermon was based around John 3:16 ^"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."Of course mostly everyone in this world has heard this verse, even those who aren't Christians. It seems cheezy, and over-used, but Tom says this is his favorite verse because it has his favorite message in it: That Jesus' one sacrifice, gives us eternal life. When we get into a relationship with Jesus it's forever. We don't have to try, and justify our sins. Jesus already paid for our past, present, and future sins. That's it. We don't have to do anything. It was a really good reminder of how free we are. He talked about the joy we as Christians should feel in knowing our debt is paid. The basic stuff like that is always good to hear again. I've recently started a bible app on my phone to read the bible chronologically, and a few different devotionals talking about Why God Loves Us, and Falling in Love With Your Savior Again. I really hope getting back into the Word will help me with my struggles.

    Tonight we are doing a special dinner for the boys, like they did for us, to thank them for everything they've done while we've been on project. Being that there's 8 guys, and 40 some girls, they are a little out numbered, but we'll make it work. We are serving them tacos, and fudge for dessert. We've divided our group of girls into teams such as, serving group, special activity (a poem or something along that long), "token" group (a present we wanna give them), and speech group. I'm on the speech group, and will just be thanking them for their chivalrous acts, and protection that they've given to all of us on the trip. I'm really excited to let them know that we truly do appreciate them, and the examples they are for all Christian men.

   Tomorrow we begin PRISON WEEK. We will be ministering at two different prisons. Our entire group has been separated by majors. One group will be doing prison ministry at a medium security prison, while my group (social work, sociology, psychology, and criminology majors) will be at a maximum security prison doing ministry (ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!) I'm SOOOOO pumped. The staff wanted to appeal to people's interests by majors, which is why my group goes to the maximum security prison.  Both prisons are women's prisons, by the way. We are only allowed to go to the women's prisons because of the safety aspect, since this project is 95% females. In prisons women work with women, and men work with men. My bus leaves at 7, which isn't as bad as we thought!

   I'm super excited to serve our boys tonight, and to begin Prison Week!!!!! 

P.S. I'm updating this after we had our little dinner for the boys. I absolutely loved playing the "gentlewoman" role, instead of them always serving us. I actually felt pretty emotional about it because I don't think they actually get thanked enough for all they have done for us. They are really amazing men.

Heart Melted

   Today was the most relaxed day of project so far. We had absolutely nothing to do except for our dinner at 6 pm. I slept in until 11!! It was beyond amazing!! A lot of us spent a lot of the day just hanging out, and primping ourselves for our dinner that the boys prepared for us for tonight. We all met in the lobby at 6, and the boys were all waiting for us there. They all looked so cute with their button up shirts, and ties. They escorted us to the apartments where some of our adult staff our staying for the project. The yard where we had our 4th of July barbecue is where they set up the dinner for us. We got there and all the tables had table cloth, and candles on them. David, a music performance major, was playing his viola for us. It felt like a fancy restaurant. Each table had a waiter, and they were so gentleman-like the entire time. We ate breakfast for supper!! It was such a great idea since the only breakfast food I've had the past month has been cereal. We had pancakes, eggs, fruit, and bacon (yummmmm). After we ate the guys put on a little skit, playing their own version of Family Feud, which was pretty funny. Then Jake gave a little speech on how much they appreciate us, and it was incredibly sweet. THEN when I thought it was over the guys came out with a rose, and personal note written to each of us. I literally teared up (because I'm a sap).
    These guys seriously raised the bar, and my standards that I have for a potential boyfriend. I deserve to be treated like a lady by a true gentleman. They make me realize how much I've settled in the past. Tonight these guys were very genuine. They didn't have any other intentions like trying to flirt with us, or anything "fresh" with us. They were honestly their to serve us, and make us feel like women all should. Our boys on this project are all honest men of God. Nobody is perfect, but these men have been nothing, but genuine and polite for this entire trip.
    Right now a bunch of us girls are chilling in our sweatpants watching New Girl on Netflix. I've never watched it before, but it's one of those shows you can become pretty addicted to. Tomorrow we're going to the Zoo, and whatever else touristy plans that they have for us! I can't even think that we leave here in a week. I love this place, and these amazing group of people I've met. This has been one of the best experiences of my entire life. AND Prison week is 2 days away!!!!! eeeeeekkkk!

This is The Abundant Life

  Yesterday was our last day of camp with the kids. It was so bittersweet, and I'm surprised how legitimately sad I was to know that it was my last day with them. I once again did "cry control" throughout the day, and loved it (again). Not knowing where these kids come from, or go home to just makes me want to love on them more, and more. The kids also go better, and better with their volleyball skills within the 3 days we were working with them. Encouraging them was a lot of fun. I also legitimately got excited when they had a good volley going. Before lunch there was a little MVP ceremony, and a talk from the head coach guy that started the Run to Win camps. There were MVP's from each sport, for each day. I think it's really awesome to acknowledge the kids hard work, and good attitudes.
   Once we left the camp for the day we went back to our church site with our kids. I, of course, took my camera out, and had fun taking pictures of the kids while we all played around. A lot of them were asking if we'd see them again on Monday, and it was hard to say that we probably wouldn't be seeing them again ):. I fell in love with all the kids so quickly. Amber, and Deandr'e (the two staff people from our site) were pretty awesome too. We also stopped the car on our way back home to take pictures of Mt. Rainier because it looked UNBELIEVABLE. The pictures do not do it justice though.
   Once we got back home we ate, and then did more training for prison week next week. Last night we looked at what ex-offenders lives are like, working with the families, and rules/regulations we need to follow while we're working there. I'm SO excited to work with, and meet these women. I can't wait to hear their stories, and maybe influence them enough to find a new life in Christ.
    This morning my DNA group went to Tulley's Coffee to do our meeting there. It was SUCH a good talk. It was a Part II of the Change discussion we had the other night. It reminded me of why I became a Christian, and the beyond meaningful life that I can have in Christ. This trip has really been a defining point for me in figuring out my identity, and what kind of Christian I want to be. I'm starting to realize I can never stop growing in Him, and that it's okay if I slip away, and that I don't have to condemn myself every time it happens. I can always reconcile with God. It's just part of my journey.
    Today we're having a pretty chill day (being that it's the 4th of July). At 2 we're having a picnic, then we are going to a park to watch fireworks tonight!!! :D. I'm not sure what the plan is tomorrow, but at night the boys are throwing us a really adorable "sister appreciation dinner". We get to dress all formal, and it's going to be awesome. Our boys are so good to us!!

Get Out of Your Bubble

   Today was our 2nd day with the campers. I was NOT going to spend all day outside again because of my sun burn so I did volleyball in the morning, and basketball in the afternoon. BUT before all that happened something amazing happened. Before we go to the camp we have to first go to our church site to see our director, and our kids. We hung out there for awhile while the kids all arrived, some played games, and others colored. After that the kids loaded up the Union Gospel Mission's van, and we all went in our car to go to the sports camp. On the way we decided we NEEDED coffee so we stopped at a place called, Cutter's Coffee. After we ordered our drinks, and got them, the barista asked if we wanted any "mess up" drinks..and DUH, the answer was yes. So we got 3 free drinks, along with our drinks we ordered. SERIOUSLY brightened my whole morning. For all you other coffee lovers out there, you understand.
    So while we were at the camps today I basically played what I call, "cry control". What I did was sit on the sidelines of the volleyball court, and basketball court and waited for kids that didn't wanna play, or that came out crying because they got hurt, or someone stole their ball from them etc. Let me tell yah somethin: having a 6 year old tell you why they are crying while they are crying is probably one of the best things in the world hahaha. It's absolutely precious. Although I love comforting them, I hate having to be authoritative when they do something mean, or wrong. It's easy for me to do that to kids I know, but with these kids, it almost hurts me to raise my voice to them. I made a lot of new little kiddie friends such as RayShawn, Lily, Brett, and a few others that I didn't get the name of (oops). It's crazy how fast they get attached to you. They really just love having you talking to them, and comforting them. OHHH, also in the morning I got to do some ASSESSMENTS on some of the Kindergartners. As a Social Worker, that is 80% of what I do. I was sooo stoked!! All I did was go through and made sure they could tell me the letters of the alphabet, and their sounds. It doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but practicing my engaging skills, and assessment skills is an awesome thing. Each day I'm working with the kids I'm always watching how I say things, what I say, trying to read their facial expressions etc. so that I can get use to working with kids, and actually using the things I'm learning in school.
    My group (which is 18 kids) left the sports camp at 3 today. When we got back to our church site we got them a snack, and brought out games/coloring books for them to do while we waited for their parents to come get them. All the kids were gone around 4:45 so we cleaned up after them a bit. We actually didn't leave until almost 5:30 because we were having a great conversation with our director, Amber. She recently graduated with a B.A. in Ministry Training(I think that's what it's called). She's a really chill person, with a really great head on her shoulders. She comes from a biracial family that grew up in the inner city, and she shared a lot of cool things with us. Rural ministry (small town) vs. urban/inner city ministry is completely different. You have to go about it in different ways. She grew up with a mom that wanted her to see the different type of people, and cultures in the world so that she wouldn't grow up to be ignorant. The reason she is biracial is because her grandma is caucasian, and I do believe her grandpa was african american. Back then, that was a HUGE deal. A lot of people still look down upon it today, but she doesn't have any stereotypes about anything. She thinks that growing up in the family she did made her more open to things. She said, "The world is more than your back yard, get out of your bubble, or you'll become an ignorant person." That statement is COMPLETELY true. I'm grateful that I've gotten to see different parts of the world, and realize that there are more than just 2,000 white people in rural Wells, MN. There is no point in judging people because of their background, skin color, or heritage. I will probably take the things she said today far into my life. It was a real eye opener.
   Amber also talked to us about what it's like to try, and teach these kids as much as they can while they have them in their program. She may have them all day, but it can get very hard sometimes to send them home at night knowing the home situations they might be going to. She, and whomever she is working with, try their best to teach them good morals, and what it's like to just be a good person. A lot of who you become is what kind of environment you grow up in. They try their best to do all they can while they are there, and when they leave, she just tries to think that she did all she could, and that God will take care of the rest. If you try to save everyone from the life they are in, then that is just you playing God, and putting way too much pressure on yourself. This was really good to hear because as a social worker I will deal with success, and failures. I need to realize I can only do so much, and if the person gets on the wrong path, then I can only do so much to help them. I really, really respect Amber as a person, and her perspectives.
  Once we got home we ate supper, and I had to show Kathleen (our cook, and on staff nurse) my blisters on my shoulder (from my sun burn) because everyone was freaking out about them. Everyone was super sympathetic about the sun burn, but I didn't see it as a huge deal, but turns out it is a 3rd degree burn. I had to use legit burn cream, and my shoulders all wrapped up like I was in a fire. Hopefully it heals up all good without infections.
   Tomorrow is our last day of camp, then Thursday is the 4th OF JULY!!! Weeeeeeee

Run to Win

  So today was our first day of Inner City Youth Ministry after a fun weekend of touring. To sum up the touring we went to the Space Needle, aquarium, EMP museum, Pike's Place, Science Museum, and the very first Starbucks :D (my favorite part). Today my group of Kathleen, Taniqua, Lexi, Hannah, and myself headed out a little before 8. We got lucky, and didn't have to figure out public transportation for our site because Kathleen actually drove her car here so she just drove us. We first thought we were in a group called, Tukwilla, but we found out later that there was some miscommunication and that the actual site we were suppose to have gone to was the Union Gospel Mission Youth Center.

    Our group of kids is spending today-Wednesday at a sports camp called, Run to Win. I read through a pamphlet of information about Run to Win, and I thought it was really cool. A guy started this camp several years ago in Washington because of his passion for sports, and passion for showing people who Jesus Christ is. So this is a camp that allows kids to be active during the summer in a Christian setting. There are lessons that the kids are learning throughout the week based on bible verses, and then their head coaches tie it together with the sport they're playing. I think it's really important to get kids involved in sports at a young age because it can set them off on a good path. It can be a great self esteem builder, and help the kids with other skills like, social skills, and team work etc. The sports that were at the camp today were football, soccer, volleyball, basketball, and cheerleading. Funny thing: I was one of the coaches for cheerleading. Yes, I Jamie Herman (a dancer) played being a cheerleader today. I actually enjoyed it a lot even though I'm not a fan of yelling cheers all the time.

     The kids were all really great. There was over 200 kids there. The ages of the kids are K-6. One of the first kids I met was named, Prince. He seemed really shy, but once I got him talking, he told me all about his dad, what sports his doesn't like, that he actually really likes tennis, and that he doesn't think he's very good at anything. But after kicking the soccer ball around a little, and doing some encouraging, he was acting like he was feeling better about himself. There was also a girl named, Neveah (LOVE that name) that was a little cheerleader diva. These kids come from all walks of life in the inner city, some very low income, others more middle class. I learned it's really easy to talk to them if you show interest. I didn't really talk to any of them about Jesus though, but that's okay. Some of them just want someone to pay attention to them, and love on them. They all had such great spirits, and I had a lot of fun today. Also, a girl named, Precious colored me a picture (: She's a sweet, little diva. The only bad part of today was that it was soooo hot, and I'm now sitting here horribly sun burnt. My arms are seriously tomato red, and the back of my calves (oddly) are really bad too. So aloe, and lotion are my friends.

     We got back around 6 today, and went right into supper. After that we had our first training for Prison week. It was literally in a class room setting, and we have worksheet packets to fill out during the presentations. Ron Dooley, one of the staff for CRU, is running the training. We learned about a lot of prison statistics today, and started venturing into what we can do to change things. It makes me really excited. I feel like this will be my favorite part of the trip. After training we had our DNA groups again. I was just not in the mood to do anything God related, but what we looked over seriously was written to me. We looked at reasons why we want to change certain ways that we live, or act, and our little DNA book had 3 reasons: 1. To prove ourselves to God. 2. To prove ourselves to others. 3. To prove ourselves to ourselves. THIS IS SERIOUSLY MY LIFE!!! I always live with the lingering thought that I  will never measure up, or that I'm not even good enough to God. I feel like I have to prove to God I'm good enough to get to heaven, and I never live up to the standards that I set for myself, or what I think God has set for me. I know I shouldn't be that hard on myself, but it's obviously something I need to work on. I just try to think no matter where I am in my walk of life, God is still there working, no matter how far I get off His path.

    Tomorrow we are back to the sports camp. We will be doing that until Wednesday, and since Thursday is the 4th of July, WE GET A DAY OFF. We are going to watch fireworks at some park, and I'm stoked. I'm not sure what is going on friday. Tomorrow I think I'll do some basketball, or volleyball so I'm in doors, and can heal my sun burn a bit.