I find myself in a dark place again. A dark place I haven't been to before, but with strange familiarities. I don't have time in my life right now to deal with this, but I will. I won't let this control my everyday life. I can't. I'm filled with shame, fear, hurt, confusion, but still I hope. I know I've seen parts of this place before, and I've found my way out, again and again. I know what I need to do, but this takes time. It takes lots of time. As I come back to my life at school it has become harder to shield what I haven't dealt with. I find myself more emotional than I've been in awhile. I feel weak, but I still have my sparks of hope. I know I have so much to look forward to and new things to stumble upon, and its exciting and terrifying. I know other people have been here before, and have gotten through it. Fortunately, so fortunately, I've been learning so much about my Jesus in the past year of my life that this weight seems a little lighter to bear. I don't know when it will get better, or how, but it will. It's okay to hurt through the hope. To feel hope stronger than hurt is a new thing to me. I have the power to be on my knees, but still push through. I can still be sitting here with tears in my eyes and an ache in the depths of my being and still see a little bit of the sun. I know it's there. I know it's because of my faith that I can have this hope through my hurting. I am a conqueror. I am an overcomer. I WILL OVERCOME. I have a new strength in my weakness. I'm going to take in this valley, and use it. I'm going to use it learn about myself, and my God. I'm going to use it to apply the strengths that I've always questioned if I have. I will hope through my hurt. I will overcome.
