This post might be confusing to a lot of you because I will not give a very good explanation to what I'm about to write about. That's because I just need to let it out for me, it doesn't matter if you understand what I'm talking about or not. I can't believe the changes I've seen in myself since coming to college, heck I don't even know the person I was two years ago, and I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful that God gives me the chance to better myself every second, of every day. I've been thinking about my future a lot lately, and although I want to be the one to control it, I know that God is writer of my story and I really have no say. To learn to trust, and wait for him is becoming a challenge for me at this point in time.
As I wait for God to reveal what he wants for me I could be using the time while I wait wisely. BUT it's SO hard. Humans are all about "right now, me, me, me.", but my God doesn't work like we do. I know he has the BEST life for me planned, bigger and better than I could ever imagine for myself, but then again I have to be patient and wait. The next few months could be a lot of spiritual, personal growth that I know God wants for me, or I could sit around waiting for God and make some bad decisions along the way cause I know I'm doing what I want, not what God wants. I'd rather be doing the first option. I feel like this is really going to test the kind of person and Christian I am. The outcome could be really good for me. I could be a better person, and have the chance of getting what I've been waiting for, cause I know God is saying, "Jamie, you know you're not ready yet, why are you trying to hurt yourself, I have a better way to get there, just follow me."Even though the outcome has a possibility for good, there is also a possibility for disappointment. I don't want to focus on the disappointment I could experience though. I shouldn't sit here and think about that. I should take life day-by-day and when the moment comes where I know, God will take care of whatever emotions I have. He's never let me down before. I LOVEEE how faithful God is, it's so amazing. But yet my flesh i still so weak. I also forgot to mention that through me not wanting to wait on God, it would make me very selfish, and I would also be hurting a person I care about. I in no way shape or form have any right to mess with this person's happiness out of my own selfish wants. My heart aches for that person right now because I want them to succeed in what they are trying to do, but my flesh isn't matching up to God's plan.
Lastly, I would also like to mention that although I'm doing well on a few of my goals I have for myself this semester, I am ultimately failing the most important ones. Although I made the goals only two weeks ago I still feel ashamed of myself. I need to find the motivation. I need to make the time. I need to remember what's really important in my life. God is not a option in my life, he is my number one priority. I won't let myself fail on this. So God, I'm ready to handle whatever you have to throw at me this semester cause I know I have you. Nothing will ever, ever, ever, ever, ever , everrrrrr change the Love and faithfulness of my God. (:
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