A Little Change of Plans

Just a little disclaimer, all the writing that follows this was written in a little journal I have so it sounds like present tense, but this whole post is from Friday-Sunday. It's probs going to be ridiculously long, and boring to some of you, but I wanted to remember every last detail. So without further a-due, here is my little memoir of one of the most insightful weekends of my entire life. Ready, go.

June 21st- Last day with the DOC
      Today we woke up the earliest we ever have while on project (5:50 to be exact, after going to bed at 1). We then all left to Tacoma to meet with a state psychologist who specializes in sex and violence. it was basically a big Q&A session. He gave us a lot of statistics, explained why offenses happen, and the best way for treatment. He was a really knowledge, and real person.
   For lunch we had a barbecue with all the officers, and others that we've worked with this past week. It was really nice to see them again, and see them outside of the work context. We had a big debriefing before we ate to just talk about our experiences with all the officers, and offenders. It was awesome to share with everyone and get some advice from the officers as well. I respect all the CCO's so much. They were so open and willing to share anything with us. This experience with them will be one of the most beneficial I've had so far to help me in my future career search.

Homeless Simulation Day 1: June 21st ( Friday afternoon)
   After we left Tacoma we stopped at a botanical gardens/ship lock place. I wasn't that interested, so a bunch of us basically took pictures, and shared really hilarious stories. After that we thought we were going back to the dorms for a night of relaxing. When we got back to the dorms we had eviction notices on our doors. We had known there was a homeless simulation on this project, but we didn't exactly know when it would occur, and it came as quite a shock. We had 30 mins to choose the clothes we wanted to wear, and 3 personal items to bring. We weren't allowed to bring food, money, or our phones. I was actually pretty pissed right away, but I had to calm down in order to think logically so that I would bring the most useful items possible. I put my glasses on, tennis shoes, shorts under my sweatpants, t-shirt, a light long sleeve shirt, and a sweatshirt. I had honestly no idea where we'd be sleeping, or in what kind of conditions. I was allowed to also bring a pen, journal, Bible, and any medications that I need. My 3 items were a water bottle, a blanket, and a draw string bag to carry it all in.
     So all 40ish of us gathered in the lobby where we were suppose to all meet. All of our staff was acting rather rude, like they were better than us (which is obviously part of the simulation). Two people got to keep cell phones on them for emergencies. We then had 45 min to go out, and find any cardboard, or other things we could find for sleeping tonight. There were a lot of people that were upset (including me), but part of me didn't wanna ruin the exercise by complaining the whole time, and the other part just wanted to be a huge brat. We went around to dumpsters, and gas stations seeing if there was any cardboard, or boxes we could take. We ended up finding a lot of cardboard, some floor tile, legit couch cushions (out of a dumpster-disgusting), styrofoam, and this huge plastic covering thing.
   When we got back to the outside of our dorm hall with all of our supplies, the students that were running the project (later they deemed the name "white shirts") came out, and they set up the place basically like a free soup kitcken. They had worship, actually they forced us to worship, and pray with them or else we wouldn't be able to eat. It was suppose to portray how Christians might act towards the homeless. They made us listen to a small sermon before they would feed us as well. The sermon made you feel inferior, he really emphasized how we are sinners and that his life is so much better then ours because he wasn't poor--how he did this with bible verses incorporated in it I will never know. We finally got food, but it wasn't a whole lot. It was a tiny bit of pasta from last night, literally 4 grapes, a salad in a little cup with brown lettuce, and a little piece of bread.
   Right now I'm actually writing this in a parking garage sitting on a piece of cardboard, and holding my few belongings so that the white shirts don't come and take them. The white shirts randomly come here to try and steal from us because it gives us a better idea of what it's like for the homeless. I'm actually feeling like I'm in the mindset of a homeless person. I feel pissed, down on myself, and legit angry at the staff for acting this way--I know this is obviously just trying to prepare us, and open our eyes to how the homeless feel, especially with Christians trying to invade their lives. We don't know how long we have to do this for, but I'm assuming maybe the rest of the weekened. They had a shower sign-up sheet until Wednesday, but I highly doubt that will actually happen. If it did last that long there would be problems. I'm assuming we will be in the streets tomorrow, and we will have to figure out how to find food. It's actually been a real eye opener so far. This will definitely help me watch the way I act towards homeless people this coming week for homeless ministry. This is like some crazy Milgram's prison experiment stuff. The white shirts, and staff are really taking on their roles, and almost taking it too far at times (in my opinion). It's making me feel like it's actually real (which I'm sure is the point). Thinking about really all of a sudden losing your house, and having nothing is so so scary, but unfortunately it is a scary reality for a lot of people. I'm really tired, but I have no idea how I'm going to sleep on this cement floor. We are definitely in for an interesting night...

Homeless Simulation Day 2: June 22
        Last night we spent the night in the parking garage, but were woken up a few times by the white shirts saying there was complaints of noise, and that they've seen people getting food from vending machines etc. (just to make us mad basically). I actually was able to get some sleep after 1 o clock hit though. At 4 a.m. people woke up for showers that signed up, but the white shirts never showed so I'm definitely not getting up for a shower at 4 in the morning if we don't get it.  They woke us up around 8 I think. For breakfast we had oranges, and a little cereal in a plastic bag. They were also upset cause they think somebody has money. We think they are basically just trying to mess with our emotions, and turn us against each other because that's what can happen if you literally are homeless. They then said we were free until 10:30 a.m.. We then went exploring by the lake, and a group of us ended up walking across a bridge and walking through the fair that was going on. We ended up getting free samples of some Starbucks coffee called, Tanzanian Tea, and this awesome tea called, Honest Tea, that you could get for giving each other compliments on a white board. It was actually pretty sweet.
   At 10:30 we ended up back at the parking garage, and were picked up by our buses. We were then all brought to the downtown area, like the super sketch part where all the homeless live, and drug deals happen simultaneously( I actually witnessed 2). I was a little nervous, but I figured we'd be okay. We were put in groups of 6, with one guy. We then had a sheet of paper for a scavenger hunt, and we had until 4 o clock to complete it. Some of the things on there were to: find a free lunch, talk to a homeless person, get information about resources that the homeless have here for food, housing etc, find 100 aluminum cans, average the amount of money that we think our groups have in our bedroom at home, and find a useable item from a dumpster. Obviously this part of the simulation was to get us in the real area of the homeless, and experience a taste of what it is like for them everyday. We went into several places asking if they had food in the back that they could give us for free that was still edible, but we got all no's and a lot of weird looks. I couldn't decide whether they pitied us, or wondered why we were asking for free food (considering we don't look that homeless).
     One person had a cell phone in case of emergencies, and if anyone felt like they couldn't handle what was going on around them they could call to be picked up, unfortunately, I ended up being that person. I was doing just fine until we were walking around a park area strictly full of homeless people sleeping, or dealing drugs. I just didn't feel safe. We were by a mission house that takes people in, we ended up talking to a homeless guy that was really nice when this other guy started yelling, and being really angry towards everywhere, and another guy was nagging him on. I was honestly fearful of what was going to happen. I kept looking to see if he was carrying a gun, or a knife or something. I just couldn't handle it. We got away from that area, and were standing sorta by a police guy directing traffic because there was a marathon going on, but that was the only area I felt safe. I finally decided I couldn't do it, I was just really anxious, and short of breath.
   I'm really down on myself right now for backing out of that part of the simulation, but I'm just not the type of person that can handle it. I'm fine working with those people when there's authority around, but we were seriously just dropped off. I kept thinking, "If I quit, then I obviously don't trust God enough to keep me safe.", but if something were to happen then it would just be really really bad, and I didn't come on this trip to put my life in danger. Right now I'm back in my room temporarily waiting for the others to get done with the scavenger hunt. I will be going back with them once they get back. I'm trying not to call myself a quitter, but it's hard. I know this experience will definitely alter our perspectives, and the way we act in this coming up week of homeless ministry. And hopefully I'm able to stick with it, I don't think I'd let myself quit again. I'm just really glad that we got most of the things off our list before I left. Kathleen, my DNA group leader, came and talked to me in my room, and she helped me A LOT. She's an extraordinarily kind-hearted person. I really feel like God did really well with planning me into her group.
     We got to eat once everyone came back from being down town, but they didn't make enough food for everyone so we all started splitting up our food, and didn't eat until we knew everyone had some. After we ate we had to go find more cardboard to sleep on tonight because the white shirts poured pickle juice, water, and whatever else nasty stuff on our stuff from the night before. We had less than an hour to find anything that we could. When we got back to the parking garage they had us line up on the wall, and take off our socks and shoes (which was disgusting considering we were on the concrete floor of a parking garage). The white shirts then suddenly left us, and our DNA group leaders came and let us put our shoes and socks back on. We got to talk about our day, and different experiences down town.
     Now we are sitting here and chilling, singing worship songs, and gospel music, which is actually amazing. One of the girls had an outstanding voice, and I think she should seriously be on American Idol, or something! I'm assuming the white shirts will be coming back for us tonight, and it's around 10 o clock right now. They probably think they have to come, and try to break the group up again like last night (they had half of us on one floor of the garage, and the other half on a different floor). We aren't really mad anymore. The DNA groups helped us release our feelings, and we are realizing we are in this together, and that it won't like forever. It has made us all so much more grateful for what we have. Even things like control, and knowing what it's going on in the next few hours is something we take for granted. Everything was stripped from us, but we have each other, and they can try to break out spirits all they want, but I won't let them get to me again.
      I'm feeling much better than I did earlier this afternoon. I'm going into homeless ministry week remembering that they are just like us. We are all broken too. If we treat them like normal people, then we will be able to have a good conversation with most of them. I'm still trying to figure out where I am with God, but this is helping me a lot being here. I'm assuming we will end up going to church in the morning, but everyone's getting pretty stanky. Worshipping right now is just refreshing, despite our circumstances. I hope the white shirts come back while we are singing so they can see they aren't getting to us. Hopefully I can sleep good tonight. Last night wasn't as bad I thought it would be. I'm incredibly blessed and lucky that this is just a simulation because after this is done I will have way more than I need to survive in my everyday life. I just hope I'm never truly in a homeless situation.

***Later that night****
    Debbie and I were playing catch with a football when the white shirts came running in with their whistles, and megaphone. They started to kick us out of the building, and telling us to take all the belongings we had, and our cardboard. It was suppose to represent when the homeless get kicked out of their little "homes" for loitering. They had us walk to this grassy area, and told us this is where we would be sleeping for the night. Some people really didn't like that idea, but I thought the grass was much softer than concrete. We were all finally settled in on the grass when they came back, and said it was time for a "bathroom break". We all got up with our belongings, and headed back towards the parking garage. When we got there the white shirts left us outside, and started opening the garage door, and they were all staring at us super intimidatingly. They then said, "It's over", and of course there was a bunch of clapping, and yelling.
   We all then went further into the garage, and all our staff was there too. They also had foot washing stations set up for us, and there were a lot of tears going on (both from students and the white shirts). They wanted to show us that they were here to serve us like Jesus did, and all the anger we had building towards them basically evaporated. The feeling of finally be free was amazing. My DNA group leader washed my feet, and she said some amazing things to me. She is such an encouraging person. We then got to go back to our dorms for the night, and SHOWER!!!!! The white shirts also volunteered to go pick up all the cardboard, and stuff we left on the grass. We were no longer homeless (:

Free at Last: June 23rd
  I definitely had one of the best sleeps of my life last night. I didn't go to bed until 1:30, but I felt so well rested this morning. We left for church at 9:15, so we even got to sleep in a little bit more than normal. We went to an inner city church called, Body of Christ church (formally known as The Cross church). It's a church for the homeless, ex-offenders, drug addicts, and basically anyone who is looking for some place to be accepted. It was with out a doubt, in complete honesty, the most beautiful church I've ever been to. The building was nothing special, but it was the people inside that made it beautiful. Watching people that came from such dark walks of life constantly brought tears to my eyes. I mean, I want to work WITH these people, THEY are the reason I have hope for change, and hope for people who are completely lost in this world, and are just looking for a way to survive. I want to be a part of that hope, and change for those still suffering. Right away a women that looked a little rough came up, and asked us to pray for her. In the beginning of the sermon they did announcements and one of them was to pray for a mother that is trying to get her children back. That definitely isn't a prayer you hear everyday at a church service. These are real people just trying to get their lives back together by coming to Jesus, and it is beyond words how touching it is. All the members of the church referred to each other as "brother" and "sister". They are all family. It seems to me that they have the "love" aspect of things down pack more than we do. The worship band was small, but had some incredible talent. There was just a bass guitar, piano player/singer, and another vocalist. They could seriously have an album. After the service we all got to go and mingle with the members of the church. One of my friend's, Kelly, and I went over to talk to two men. Ones name was Johnny, and the other was Vince. They both immediately opened up to us and shared about their lives. They both use to be alcoholics, and abuse drugs. Somehow along the way they stumbled upon what a life with Jesus could be like, and left their old life styles. They are still working through their issues, but they are completely different people. It was so humbling, and amazing to be face-to-face with a changed heart. It's definitely encouraging to me, especially in my future career, that people CAN change and better their lives. I also need to note that their were a couple DOGS at the service!!! Any church that allows dogs in it is definitely the church for me.
    After church we got to chill for awhile. I did laundry, which was great, since I had a lot of nasty stuff to wash from the homeless simulation. We had a late lunch of TACOS, and it was great!! After we ate we all put short skits together to portray our feelings about the simulation. They were all hilarious, and it was just a way for us to cope with something that originally was hurting us. We then watched a movie called, God Bless the Child. It's a movie about this homeless women and her daughter. It aired originally in 1985, but only showed once. People thought that it was so horrible that it didn't need to be seen. So CRU (the organization I'm here with) bought the rights to eat. It was actually a really good, realistic movie on homeless people, but it had a very tragic ending. I think people need to see stuff like this because it's the hard, cold truth. There was nothing sugar coated about it. After the movie we had a debriefing about the homeless simulation with the white shirts. They let us ask questions, give our opinions, and share the different experiences each of us had. One thing that I didn't realize during the simulation was that it was really hard for the white shirts to treat us that way. They were all crying after it was over because it was so hard for them. They are all super nice people, and to have to take on the role they did was super difficult. I respect them for being able to do it, and kinda feel bad for temporarily hating them.
   So this blog post is finally coming to an end, and congrats if you made it through the whole thing. Kudos for you! I'm heading to bed because we have training in the morning, then going out in the streets in the afternoon!