"When I leave this world, I would rather be remembered for the content of my character than the amount of trophies in my trophy case."
I can't even begin to comprehend the changes God has been making in my heart over the last couple weeks. Ya know that issue I have with self-esteem? I'm FINALLY seeing a light through this dark and long tunnel. Just in this week I've realized some amazing things:
1. I've decided my self-esteem is no longer dependent on myself or other people, but who God is, who my God created me to be and who I can become through and because of Him. I know he has quite the plan for me. This question was brought up to me this week: "Are you living to make yourself known or God?" That was like a WOAHHH moment in my heart. A small part of me thinks I was being a little selfish just begging to feel good about myself and try to stand out in this world with a "talent", that I forgot what being a Christian really means. I don't matter anymore, my flesh doesn't matter anymore. I am completely reborn and made new through my God. Who I was and what I have done doesn't exist in God's eyes. I don't have to live like things will never change. I am changed. I'm starting to realize how all I need to do is depend on God. Really, that's it. I've thought I've always done that, but when I think about it the way I "depended" on God wasn't quite right. I searched for happiness and life in my own self-fulfillment, through my friends, through earthly things, and for the most part through the first boy I fell in love with. I also search for happiness in something that will make me stand out- a talent. Ya know how there are people from your school and someone asks you about them and the first thing you think of is, "Oh yah, they're really good at football, they have a full ride to school next year." I've realized all my life I've been tearing myself down trying to find something like that in me. But talent will only get you so far. Your body won't allow you to play football forever (not that football is what I wish I was good at ). As that quote states at the beginning, I believe character is more important than accomplishments. Some people might not care about having a reputation like this, but I'd rather hear, "Jamie is a really nice person, she is always there to help anyone right when they need it." than hearing "Jamie is such an amazing dancer, but if you ever talk to her you'll find out she is a huge b*tch". Yah, the first one definitely sounds better to me. Obviously things aren't always going to be easy, but I've got a new thought in my head. My thinking is when I'm upset or want something that I know I probably shouldn't all I will think is: "On God's time." Why would I want to pursue things my own way when my way is going to back-fire in my face and God's way is going to prevail no matter what? Why fight it? His way is THE BEST WAY. I don't want to control my life. I don't know what I'm doing. God is truly taking over. I sometimes feel so bad when I realize how much I wasn't trusting God during a bad situation, when He was taking care of me the whole time. His grace and love is so sufficient. The changes He is doing right now in me is soooooo exciting. I feel more independent, strong-willed, and in a way proud of who I am (don't take that too seriously yet, one day I'll completely and fully mean it). I'm proud of who I am becoming through God. I will grow to love myself because of God. I am a beautiful child of God, how can someone not be proud and inlove with that?!? I feel like I'm starting to finalllly grasp onto my future, which I believe is in align in God's Will for me, and finally not my own.
2. I'm going to truly start focusing on who I am with God and not focus on certain aspects of my life. My God will take care of it, so while I wait, I will just live to please Him. I'm finally letting go of the things I want to make happen in my life, and letting God show me what he wants for me to do instead of continue to go on my own path. There are so many more important things I need to focus on. I need to focus on building my relationship with God, falling in love with Jesus through reading His Word EVERYDAY, and the Great Commission: Matthew 28:19, "Go and make disciples of all nations.." There are so many people in this world that NEED Jesus, there are so many people in this world that haven't even HEARD of Jesus. I want to go out there and change those people's lives. And if you guys know me, culture shock and Jamie Herman don't work very well together, but that's all part of me changing and trusting God :D The reason we were made and put into this world was to live for and worship our Holy creator. God has put the opportunity in my life to go to the Dominican Republic for a week this summer to serve Him at an orphanage (WITH MY BEST FRIEND), and I plan to take full advantage of this. And I know I don't have to always go over seas to teach people about Jesus, there are sooo many things I can do in my day-to-day life to show people who Jesus is. I'm so excited to go out there and spread the amazing love of Jesus Christ that saves my life every single day.
I am just so unbelievably blessed. I don't deserve the love of such an amazing God. I cannot wait to see what he has in store for me in the future with everything I will do. I will live out what I say I believe. I will be a do-er of the Word. I don't want to stand on the sidelines anymore. It feels amazing to know that I'm finally starting to grow into the person God wants me to be, and this is only the beginning. And the real truth is God will never stop pursuing me or changing me. THANK YOU GOD<3<3<3.
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