And I guess this is growing up.

    I have never really worried about losing my friends from high school once I went to college until the past several days. It kinda started on my mission trip to the Dominican Republic. We all became like family so fast, and I'm keeping in contact with a lot of them. But why are my friendships stronger with people I've known for a week than with people that have known me for most of my life and that I would consider sisters? When I was at school my new friends would say, "I don't really talk to anyone from high school anymore" or  "The moment I graduated I was done with those people". When they would say things like that I would feel pretty dang lucky that I have a group of friends from back home that I would never want to stop hanging out with or talking to. Well now that it is summer and I'm back home it would seem pretty logical that I would hang out with my friends from high school most of the time, but I'm already into a month of summer and I can count on my hands the close friends from high school that I've talked to/hung out with.

    This actually is really starting to hurt me because now I'm starting to feel alone here. When I want to do something and try to think of someone to hang out with there are only a couple people I know would hang with me, but there are others that I would probably get the whole, "Sorry I'm busy thing." Which I do understand. And this whole deal isn't pointing at one individual person at all, just an fyi. To me, friendships need to be a two-way street. If you want to know how I'm doing or see what I've been up to, or hang out with me, then YOU need to contact me. I'm not the only one who should be trying to keep a friendship alive. Right now, I can think of just three people from back home that I can say I'm really close to. But unfortunately one of those is doing an internship out of state, and another works a lot. They are definitely my best friends. But there are definitely a few others that I thought I would always have in my life. These people probably don't even realize they are doing this, but I really wish I didn't feel so unwanted and even a text message from them would make me feel like they think about me once in awhile.

    Another part of this whole ordeal is that I'm changing and growing into a completely different person than I was when I was only just a senior in high school- which was only a year and a halfish ago. My faith and relationship with God is becoming more and more part of my identity. With that change occurring, I must put my faith into the choosing of my friends. I love my Christian friends at school, and Christian friendships are the best kind to have. I'm not calling all my friends back home atheists, but I wonder sometimes if I should be hanging out with them if they are doing things I know I shouldn't be doing or things I don't want to do. I'm also not saying that I can't be friends with people unless they are "Jesus freaks". They need to basically get to know the person I've becoming and realize I don't act certain ways that I use to or that I won't want to do certain things. I still want to be friends with the people from back home. I understand that some friendships are weaker than others and some are just meant to end, but there are a few of those friendships that I thought were strong enough to last my whole life. I would love just a little conversation once and a while or hanging out. Basically, I know I have options for people to hang out with this summer here at home, but I still feel so alone. And I never really expected to feel like I'm losing them. :/